Three Little Loves

Monday, August 31, 2015

Remi Kate 3 Months Old

My sweet girl,

I am just so crazy about you! Each day you get more precious and your personality shines just a little more each minute. Can't believe you have already been with us for 3 months! In one since it seems like you were just born and then again it feels like you've always been a part of our family.

Here is a little bit of what you've been up to..

~Size 1 diapers
~0-3 month clothes but you are almost too long for some of them. I would imagine within the next month we will make the switch to 3-6 month.
~You weigh 12 pounds
~You eat every 2-4 hours during the day. Usually in the morning and evening its every two hours then you generally take a long nap in the afternoons that is between 2-4 hours. You're still slightly unpredictable ;)
~You are sleeping great at night. Generally you go down for the night between 8-9pm and sleep until 5. Then you eat and go back to sleep until we have to take Hudson to school.
~You are like a little lizard. You are completely amused with your tongue and love sticking it out and back in, then repeat :) cracks us up
~You love sleeping in your bouncer during the day and then with Mommy & Daddy at night.
~I have a feeling you are going to end up sucking your thumb. In the night I will wake up to the sound of you sucking on your hands/fingers.
~The Hillsong Piano lullaby cd always calms you down. It doesn't surprise me cause it calms me down too!

Love you sweet baby. Keep smiling! The world is so much better with you in it!!!

Momma

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Kindergarten

Here I sit at 11pm the night before the little boy who made me a mommy starts Kindergarten. How did we get here? It seems like he was just born a few days ago. All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm instantly sent back to that moment that forever changed my life. The moment they laid a 6lb 8oz little boy on my chest and I knew I would never be the same. It was like I finally knew why I was put on this earth. I was supposed to be this precious boys Momma. All the nights of rocking him to sleep have turned into listening to him tell me jokes and talk about who he's gonna marry some day! Not only am I going to miss him desperately every day, but God is teaching me that I am not in control. There are many things I struggle with on a daily basis but one is trusting Him that He is the one that is protecting my children, not me. I have always had trouble letting other people take care of my babies, because if they are with me I can protect them. Kindergarten is just another way God is helping me to let go a little more. Deep down I know that my babies are just on loan to me and that they are truly His. It's just hard. For the last week I can hardly look at Hudson without getting tears in my eyes. He will always be my baby and I can't even imagine not having him at home during the day. Our house definitely won't be the same during the days. But he is ready...so so ready and excited! He can't wait to have Luke & Lexi in his class again and his teacher seems absolutely precious!!! Don't expect this Momma to have any eye makeup left by tomorrow afternoon though!!

Hudson,

I can't even believe tomorrow is already here! I know how excited you are and that helps put me at ease! This year my prayer for you is the Bible verse, Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!" You are the strongest little boy I have ever known! You haven't always been dealt an easy hand, but you have always overcome all adversity with a smile on your face! Your daddy and I are so very proud of you and can not wait to see the way you are going to change the world for Christ. You are a world changer my sweet boy, don't you ever forget that or let anyone tell you otherwise!! Keep smiling my love, the world is so much better with you in it!

Love you to Pluto and back!!
Mommy

Friday, July 31, 2015

Remi Kate 2 Months

Remi Kate,

How in the world has 2 months passed in the blink of an eye. You have truly been the missing puzzle piece to our little family. We love you more than you will ever know.

Here is what you have been up to lately...

~Size 1 Diapers
~Size 0-3 month clothes
~Weight 9lbs 10oz, 11th percentile
~Length 22.5 inches, 45th percentile
~Right around 6 weeks you started smiling at us. Not just because you had gas, but because you knew it was us and you were happy to see us. Melts our hearts!
~You absolutely love your big brothers and smile at them constantly when they talk to you.
~You sleep pretty good at night. Usually you eat around 9-10pm and then sleep until 2-3am and then again until 7-8am. Pretty impressive for a 8 week old.
~During the day you eat pretty much every 2 hours, sometimes more.
~Speaking of eating, nursing is going so much better than it did with the boys.
~Your favorite place to sleep is on my chest. You will wiggle your way up until your little face is buried in my neck. You are the sweetest little snuggle bug.
~You are nursing exclusively. Which is amazing to me!!! Hudson nursed 4 months but we had to supplement the whole time cause I wasn't producing enough. Grayson only nursed 8 weeks and then I pumped/supplemented until 11 months. So the fact that I'm producing enough and you are an excellent nurser makes me ecstatic.

You are the most precious thing and we are just absolutely crazy about you!! Keep smiling little one! The world is so much better with you in it!!!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Emma Mae 12-7-05 / 7-10-14

My heart is broken. When my heart is broken the only thing I know to do is write, it’s the only thing that helps the pain. 8 years ago in January I was obsessed with finding a dog. It made no sense. I was a freshman at OSU and living in a sorority house. Yet I still searched Pet Finder multiple times a day. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I knew my parents would kill me, I couldn’t have a dog in the house, yet I still looked endlessly. One morning I saw a picture of the most beautiful puppy I had ever seen. Her eyes were sad and I knew she was mine. Not only was this during the week while I was in Stillwater, she was in Noble. What do you do in a situation like that, you call your best friend and you head towards the city without your parents knowledge. I picked up Brooke and we headed to Noble. I can’t remember if it was on the way there or back, but we devised a sneaky plan. We would tell my parents that she was an abandoned puppy that Brooke’s dad had found at one of his stores. As if they would believe that. Back to the story…I had called the Noble Animal Shelter and the lady said I will meet you in the parking lot of the courthouse so you can follow me there. We literally followed her out into a field. I’m not gonna lie we were both a little nervous. As we pulled up to this shed, we got out and she said just so you know I haven’t been out here yet today. I was blown away and knew I was taking this dog home with me regardless of if I had to find her another home. Walking in to this tiny shack there were two cages with two on top of those and that was it. I crouched down and she was sitting with her head in the corner with her back to us. Poop, and pee were everywhere and there was a huge bowl of water and a huge bowl of food. The lady pulled her out and I pulled her straight into my arms. She looked up into my eyes while I cradled her face and I told her it was ok I was here to take her home. The lady told us that she and her brother had been born under a shed on a farmer’s property as a stray and they had to set a live trap to get them out. Her brother had been adopted the week before and she had been alone ever since. I can’t forget to add she was the nastiest smelling dog I have EVER smelled. While I was inside the courthouse filling out the paperwork she escaped the car and thankfully Brooke caught her cause she wanted to take off. Needless to say my parents were ticked. I knew they didn’t believe my story but I stuck to it. My mom and I bathed her and we took her with us to Pets Mart to get a crate and some food. I’ll never forget one of the workers ask us about her and said she would take her. I looked at my mom as my eyes filled up with tears because I knew this one was different. There was just something about her that I knew I could never let her go. I never could have imagined just how true that was 8 years ago. The only way I can adequately describe our relationship is she has been my angel. When I cry, she cries and licks my tears. When I’m sick she won’t leave my side. Our love for each other is fierce. I never would have thought a dog could teach me so much about life. So much about love.

Now here I sit on what will probably be our last night together and the pain is almost unbearable. The last few weeks she has wanted to be inside with us a lot which isn’t like her but I figured it was because it is extremely hot outside and she is 8. While we were gone at the lake for the 4^th she stopped eating. I worried about her the whole time. Even before we left I was so worried about leaving her. Her not eating isn’t completely uncommon because she is always depressed when I am gone. We got home Sunday and she happily ate a hotdog but otherwise seemed fine. Then Monday morning she jumped up when I got out of bed to go outside with me and went to the bathroom then came over to let me love on her like she always does. She ran around a few times outside that day and barked with the other big dogs but by that evening I knew something wasn’t right. She still wouldn’t eat her dog food but had eaten egg, and chicken a couple times that day. Tuesday morning she once again went outside and came for me to love on her. I had to leave for a couple hours so I left her outside and when I got home there was nasty throw up everywhere. I called the vet and Bryan took her in. After some bloodwork and xrays they called and told us that her potassium levels are way too high, she has arrhythmia in her heart, she was jaundice, she had fluid in her abdomen, she was extremely dehydrated, and the xray showed a mass in her stomach as well. I knew it wasn’t good and was in shock. We went and got her to transfer her to an emergency vet for the night so they could give her fluids and keep a really close eye on her. After leaving the vet I was afraid they would lose her in the night. She could hardly walk or lift her head and I was almost wishing we had let her go at that point. Our vet really wanted to do an ultrasound today to figure out what was going on. Bryan picked her up this morning and said she was a different dog. Wagging, walking almost normal just a little slower, and happy. I held onto a small glimpse of hope all day. I called to check on her around 4 and the doctor got on the phone. The ultrasound showed her liver and spleen are full of cancer. She said the only option was to biopsy it and send it off to see what kind of chemo we could do or make the call to let her go at some point. I couldn’t breathe and barely got off the phone before completely breaking down. How could the last 8 years have gone so fast? What am I going to do without her? My parents are out of the country, how am I going to get through this without them? My world stopped and I felt like I couldn’t go on. Then a smiling little 1 year old came to make me laugh and for a split second it was ok. Emma has been with me through my darkest days. Before I met Bryan, before we had kiddos to take all our time, it was always her. She has just been there. On Monday night I just had a sinking feeling and laid on the floor with her for about 30 minutes crying just thinking about possibly having to let her go soon. Of course she put her paw up on my shoulder and nuzzled her face into mine, whimpered, and pulled back to lick my tears. We just get each other.

There are so many things I will never ever forget.

-The way she slept in my bed like a person with her head on my pillow if I wasn’t in bed.

-If the alarm ever went off in the night she would block me from leaving my room and push me with all of her weight to stand in front of me growling.

-The first night I had her home she howled for almost an hour and I gave in and snuggled her into bed with me. She slept with me every night until she could no longer jump on the bed. Then she slept right next to me.

-The multiple times I laid on the floor during a thunderstorm with my arms wrapped around her because she was so scared of thunder. I would wake up the next morning with her still snuggled up to me like a person.

-If she was ever outside in a storm she would be out in the rain trying to look in the house, howling until we let her in. Rather than stay dry in the garage she got soaked in hopes we would see her.

-She was Houdini. She could escape their garage pin no matter how many times Bryan tried to fix it.

-We used to lay on my bedroom floor and I would rub her tummy until she fell asleep.

-How she hated weed eaters.

-She would let Hudson walk her on a leash and walk perfectly but if I had the leash she pulled the entire time.

-She saved me and Hudson from the guys that tried to break into our house. I will forever be grateful for her, especially on that day.

-She would bound through the snow like a deer and then run full blast, fall over and roll in it. She loved the snow as much as I do.

-But most importantly the way she loved me, the way she loved her boys and her Daddy. Fiercely, unconditionally and constantly. What a powerful example of God’s love for us.

My precious Emma Mae,

You far exceeded any expectation I ever had of a dog. I didn’t know I could love an animal this much. You have been my guardian angel and a constant source of joy. I’m not sure how life will ever be the same without you. You have left a permanent indention on my heart that will never be replaced. I will miss you every minute of every day for the rest of my life. You my love are one of the best things that ever happened to me. 8 years just wasn’t enough. I know you’ll be lying on a hill watching for us in heaven and I ache for the day when I will see you again. Until then love on our sweet baby in heaven like you loved on the boys. Rest in peace baby girl. I’ll love you forever.